Gay Adoption: Right or Wrong?
Summary: After fostering two brothers for more than four years, Martin Gill was granted adoption rights, ending a 31-year ban on gay adoption in Florida. Today, those rights may be taken away.
Photo:Martin Gill
When he first saw them, the eldest’s head was covered in ringworms, his hair had stopped growing, and it was hard to determine the last time he’d been bathed. John Doe, his real name protected by law, was only four years old when he and James Doe, his four-month old brother reached the North Miami home of Martin Gill and his nine-year partner, who wishes to remain nameless.
This openly-gay couple, along with Gill’s biological family, has cared for the once medically and developmentally unstable children for almost five years. And in doing so, Gill was granted adoption rights in 2008, seemingly putting an end to a 31-year ban on gay adoption in the state of Florida.
Today, the state has appealed that decision, and Gill must wait for another court to determine whether or not his children should go
back into foster care, risking sibling separation and further emotional trauma.
The state has already spent more than $300,000, some on an expert witness who was found not to be credible, and most of it on the initial court case.
“How could this possibly be in the best interest of these two children,” said a worried but composed Gill, his family preparing for the next day’s Sunday service. “It would mean going through not just one trauma and loss of parents, but two.”
He continued, “And if we are foster parents in good standing with the Department of Children and Families, why would they be taken from us and placed in another foster home while waiting for adoption? We have already been told by DCF that as a sibling group, it is unlikely that they could be placed together. If split up, the older child would probably still not get adopted.”
According to the DCF, sibling groups are amongst the hardest placements, as are African Americans and biracial children, special needs children and children older than eight.
“The younger of the two would eventually get adopted, but his older brother would languish in foster care, and most likely be passed around from home to home,” said Gill. “It would be complete devastation.”
It was December 11, 2004, when Gill first met his two boys. He and his partner had been licensed foster parents since 2003, a decision which came only a few months after a Rosie O’Donnell interview.
“We saw Rosie O’Donnell on an interview with Diane Sawyer. She had come out, and was talking about how she is a foster parent, here in Miami. I knew of the ban on adoption, but it I was unaware that we could be foster parents in Florida,” said Gill. “When we were first licensed, we asked for kids with HIV, or kids with special needs: medical, emotional, or any other. We felt we were well qualified for these kinds of kids and we wanted to help with kids that many parents would not take.”
They’ve fostered eight children since 2003, all of which have been reunited with a member of their birth family.
But that day in December, when the phone rang, Gill was preparing for a move up to Georgia, where he and his partner had just bought a home. The person on the other end was a DCF worker, a persistent woman hoping to find a home for two young brothers.
“The placement will only be a month or two,” she said. “You could give them a really nice Christmas.”
Broken hearted at the thought of two boys spending Christmas in a shelter, Gill agreed to foster them.
Gill met the boys later that day. When he saw them, Gill’s partner was stunned.
“You should have gotten them medical attention first,” he said, looking at the DCF case worker.
Aside from having ringworm, John, the older child, was terrified, and would not speak. The baby had a fever, an ear infection, and the medication given by the case worker, which had been filled in November, had been kept outside of the refrigerator and had gone bad. Gill was told the children had spent 10 days in detoxification at Jackson Memorial Hospital, a result of their mother’s abusive cocaine use. On top of that, they had just recently been rescued from a crack house.
John was so traumatized, he could not speak. He was severely depressed. It was not until one month later that John spoke his first word.
Nonetheless, John developed an immediate relationship with the family Labrodor, and his older step-brother, the biological son of Gill’s partner. Having his younger brother around, also seemed to ease his depression. John protected him, making sure he was fed and changed. Little by little, John opened up.
John Doe and his brother at the beach
Gill recalls the time they went up to Colorado.
It was two years ago. The family hiked up to a Glacier in Colorado. It was July, but the snow in the mountains never ceases to fall. That afternoon John laughed. Picking up snow balls he launched them at his parents. They spent the whole afternoon like that, having snowball fights. One of the children found an old snow shovel, which they used as a sled. It was one of the happiest moments Gill can remember.
Interview with Martin Gill
It would only be coupled with the emotion he felt shortly thereafter, when he applied to become the boys’ adoptive father. By law, a child must be given up for adoption once the DCF terminates the rights of their biological parents.
“While the state tries to get every child adopted, in reality, after about kindergarten, there is little chance of being adopted,” said Gill. “I could not bear the thought of the boys being split up. I was especially worried about putting the older brother through more trauma. His little brother meant everything to him.”
In November 2008, a Miami circuit court judge, Cindy Lederman, granted Gill adoption rights, stating that Florida’s ban on gay adoption was unconstitutional.
“It was the first time in my life that I started to cry out of pure joy,” said Gill. “It was right before Thanksgiving and it really gave us something to be thankful for.”
But the moment would be short-lived.
Immediately after he was granted his rights, the state of Florida appealed. August 26 of this year, Martin was to appear before an appellate court.
Although terrified, not only at his probable loss, but at the loss his children would once more endure, Gill was soothed two days before trial, it was something John had said.
That afternoon John walked toward his father. Shortly beforehand, Gill had been discussing what he’d wear to what seemed his untimely funeral, the appellate hearing.
John handed him a T-shirt, “Papi, wear this to court. So they’ll know,” he said. On the shirt, in bold letters, were printed the words “World’s Greatest Dad.”
“I don’t claim to be the world’s greatest dad, but he and his brother are convinced that I am,” said Gill. “I am, however, confident in saying that for these two boys, we are the best parents. We have cared for and nurtured them for almost five years now. We really love these kids and they are thriving in our care.”
On a typical weekday, the family gets up at 6:30. After the three boys dress for school, they sit down for breakfast, and Gill makes sure their homework is complete. He walks them to school when it’s not raining, and stops in their classrooms often to speak to their teachers.
Dinner is at 8pm every night, with each of the boys helping to set the table. John, now 9, helps with cooking. All electronics are turned off. “What did you like best about school today?” is Gill’s usual question. On a recent afternoon, Gill, forgetting to ask, was reminded by James, now 5, “Papi you didn’t ask me yet.”
They are both doing great. Both are popular in school, and love playing basketball, football, tennis, they love to bike ride, are crazy about SpongeBob and John loves to read. Gill remembers a time when he thought neither of the boys would learn how to read.
Having been a victim of neglect, John has become very nurturing. He found a kitten in his backyard last year shortly before hurricane Ike. He’s looked after the cat ever since, naming it Ike and making sure it’s fed and well cared for. “But Ike turned out to be a girl,” said Gill, laughing.
August 26, the court never made a decision. But one of the last questions of the day was asked by one of the three judges, Vance E. Salter. “If the ban is upheld by this court, what would be the final disposition of these two children?” he asked, directing his question to Timothy D. Osterhaus, deputy solicitor for Florida Attorney General Bill McCollum, who is representing DCF.
“The children would immediately be removed from the home and be placed in a new foster home,” said Osterhaus. “They would then be put on the adoption exchange until adoptive parents could be found.”
